Are over.
So, yeah, wasn't I not going to write anything sad? Ok, maybe this is it, really. I've just got a little time on my hands and thought I'd jot down some thoughts on the end of 21 years.
Forced change is quite often good. For me it will be good regardless. Its so odd to stay one place this long. In fact its probably looked down upon. But the fact is the company has been good to me. I've had lots of opportunities and I've been exposed to a lot of different stuff. Whoever knew me in one of my many former lives would never suspect this is where I'd end up.
I mean really. A photographer and video dude in IT. And, I'm actually proud of the fact that worked in data networking. Routers, firewalls, load balancers oh my! Meh, I wasn't the best, but I did it.
So today is my last day here. My last day to be spoiled. No longer will I be able to come and go as I please, spout wisdom from on high, speak as the old man. That's kinda gone. Its good, other things will take its place, but this place will remain special. (and so yeah, I'm the dumbass writing this in my cube with tears in my eyes).
Closing this chapter. The new one is bound to be wonderful. I just wish this one hadn't ended so sadly.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Nerves
Sometimes people say you have to have nerves of steal. Sometimes people say it took someone a lot of nerve to do something. I guess from Nerves you get Nervous? Makes sense anyway. My nerves are a mess right now. I'm nervous, yet I know the answer.
I don't have the nerves to read my email. I'm making myself ill. I'm insane.
I don't have the nerves to read my email. I'm making myself ill. I'm insane.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Trying for less sadness
Really. So I don't write anything for....however long and then its slit your wrists stuff.
The weekend was pretty rough, today a little better. Sunday morning was kind of tough, but I went riding with some Tri-Girls and REB, the honorary Tri-Girl. It was cold. It was very good to get out though and be with some very nice friends. I do however, wish for the day I can once again keep a good pace. Considering the cold and my lack of exercise, I guess I shouldn't complain.
Work today is very odd. Most people are cleaning up and leaving, not to return. Folks are finding out how long their services will be needed. I get the feeling that there is still a lot of guessing going on so I'm not willing to count on anything. Pretty sad watching people haul their stuff out. I'm pretty glad I have nothing here now so I can just walk out when the time comes. And, I'm told my time isn't for awhile, so that's nice, too.
Still however, you look at everything a little differently. Its tougher to tell your kid she can't do everything she's use to doing because we just don't know what will happen. While I think it is good for us, it does cause stress.
anyway....
So, maybe I should make a poll: how many weeks in a row do I have to ride to be able to say I'm riding again? I think it needs to be more than two. Gotta say it is really nice to be back out on the bike. We shant discuss the stats. I now need to fit back in my gym time so I can lose some weight. That would be great.
Maybe I'll post more, too.
The weekend was pretty rough, today a little better. Sunday morning was kind of tough, but I went riding with some Tri-Girls and REB, the honorary Tri-Girl. It was cold. It was very good to get out though and be with some very nice friends. I do however, wish for the day I can once again keep a good pace. Considering the cold and my lack of exercise, I guess I shouldn't complain.
Work today is very odd. Most people are cleaning up and leaving, not to return. Folks are finding out how long their services will be needed. I get the feeling that there is still a lot of guessing going on so I'm not willing to count on anything. Pretty sad watching people haul their stuff out. I'm pretty glad I have nothing here now so I can just walk out when the time comes. And, I'm told my time isn't for awhile, so that's nice, too.
Still however, you look at everything a little differently. Its tougher to tell your kid she can't do everything she's use to doing because we just don't know what will happen. While I think it is good for us, it does cause stress.
anyway....
So, maybe I should make a poll: how many weeks in a row do I have to ride to be able to say I'm riding again? I think it needs to be more than two. Gotta say it is really nice to be back out on the bike. We shant discuss the stats. I now need to fit back in my gym time so I can lose some weight. That would be great.
Maybe I'll post more, too.
Friday, January 16, 2009
This is the End
You probably don't want to read this.
I feel a certain way and it is very hard to explain, but I'm going to try it as a monologue. See, my company is about gone. Well, it is gone for me. This is what is hard to explain.
We are not closed yet. We may not even close, just be bought. Compared to what millions upon millions of people have been going through, this is really a non-event (at this point, there is no final decision). So many people have it so much worse. Sure I'm worried, but these last couple of years you're kind of nieve if losing your job doesn't sit somewhere in the back of your head. But I'm not looking for sympathy, and I will be grateful if I still have a job next week.
Here's the thing, this place has been a big part of my life. Twenty-one years here. That's a long time. I have been fairly unhappy for awhile now, ask my friends. And, of course, my personality means I have complained all along the way. Somewhat normal. But, the past couple of years have been really rough and it takes its toll on you. Well, on me anyway.
Ages ago, people were "Company Men". Who you worked for kind of defined you. Seemed like it was almost like who you support in professional sports. Those days are long gone, but until the last ten years or so, people did still have careers that were aligned with a company. That has been the case for me. Didn't intend it to be that way, it just kind of worked out that way.
I came on when the company first started to really expand. There were some economic downturns, but we had been fiscally responsible enough to get through it and come out in a better position. It was fun. Naturally that couldn't last forever, but the company gave me many opportunities.
Today we will be sold. Maybe the company will still be around, maybe not. Regardless, it feels over to me. It really feels like the end of something special, something that I helped grow, in whatever small way. And I feel incredibly sad.
I feel a certain way and it is very hard to explain, but I'm going to try it as a monologue. See, my company is about gone. Well, it is gone for me. This is what is hard to explain.
We are not closed yet. We may not even close, just be bought. Compared to what millions upon millions of people have been going through, this is really a non-event (at this point, there is no final decision). So many people have it so much worse. Sure I'm worried, but these last couple of years you're kind of nieve if losing your job doesn't sit somewhere in the back of your head. But I'm not looking for sympathy, and I will be grateful if I still have a job next week.
Here's the thing, this place has been a big part of my life. Twenty-one years here. That's a long time. I have been fairly unhappy for awhile now, ask my friends. And, of course, my personality means I have complained all along the way. Somewhat normal. But, the past couple of years have been really rough and it takes its toll on you. Well, on me anyway.
Ages ago, people were "Company Men". Who you worked for kind of defined you. Seemed like it was almost like who you support in professional sports. Those days are long gone, but until the last ten years or so, people did still have careers that were aligned with a company. That has been the case for me. Didn't intend it to be that way, it just kind of worked out that way.
I came on when the company first started to really expand. There were some economic downturns, but we had been fiscally responsible enough to get through it and come out in a better position. It was fun. Naturally that couldn't last forever, but the company gave me many opportunities.
Today we will be sold. Maybe the company will still be around, maybe not. Regardless, it feels over to me. It really feels like the end of something special, something that I helped grow, in whatever small way. And I feel incredibly sad.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Sorry I was right
We were going to ride Saturday. I was actually thinking about joining in. Really I was. Seemed like it might work out for me. The morning was open. Friday tho, it looked like rain. Seemed like a good chance.
Saturday morning seemed the same. It wasn't raining, but seemed like it was going to. There were several emails. I was sure it was going to rain, so I had already bailed. I was sending emails. And I watched it rain, and I watched the riders bail. Not sure what REB did.
Today was a nice day. I managed a nice motorcycle ride. I cleaned up a lot as well. No ride, but it was good.
Saturday morning seemed the same. It wasn't raining, but seemed like it was going to. There were several emails. I was sure it was going to rain, so I had already bailed. I was sending emails. And I watched it rain, and I watched the riders bail. Not sure what REB did.
Today was a nice day. I managed a nice motorcycle ride. I cleaned up a lot as well. No ride, but it was good.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I want to, REALLY I do
I like blogging but much like my last post, there is that whole time thing. Also, as before, I haven't been riding or doing much besides gaining weight. Its the same routine every morning...squeeze into the pants and then try to stretch the waistband. Sigh. I guess I've also been waiting for the newness of Facebook to wear off.
Its been a bit more fun that Myspace. I only ever found a few old friends on Myspace, on Facebook I've found quite a few. Its only sad that I keep getting those ads in the margains for things for the over 40 set. Sigh....
But, on to something else you won't care about, a couple of reviews. First, Robin Williams. I'll be honest, I'm not much on the comedy thing. He was funny, and hyper and everything just like on TV. He has quality researchers as he started with the local bits. Someone came in late and was down front, he quipped "oh, I see the Windsor Farms crowd is here", and he talked about Monument Avenue and all the second place trophies. Somewhere he mentioned us wanting to break away from northern VA, as it was really another state. So, yeah, 90 minutes of funny. I'm just not a laugh out loud guy, but he was good.
On to even less interesting a concert I went to. Well sort of. This was billed as the Blackest of the Black tour. Opening was Skeletonwitch. I missed 'em. Too friggin early. Wouldn't have minded seeing them. Meh.
Next was Winds of Plague. Meh. They might be on to something, but it seems they aren't quite there, or don't pull it off. The singer sort of rap/growls and now has a dyed mohawk. It just doesn't work.
Middle band Moonspell. Oh dear God, make them stop. It was just awful. There really isn't a good excuse for them being on the bill. They didn't fit, and well, the suck. I mean, well, they suck. The best part of the show was that the only played about 30 minutes. Thirty minutes of suck is waaaaay better than 90 minutes of suck. We'll revisit that thought in a paragraph.
Now, the reason I went in the first place. Dimmu Borgir. These guys make me laugh. I enjoy them. This is like Goth Metal. or something. The place was full of the goths. More black I haven't seen in years, but I guess it is the Blackest of the Black tour. Could have been the piercest of the piercing tour as well. Or. ah hell. So imagine Kiss. You know, a set, costumes and makeup. They really had too much going on on the stage. The stage was too small for all that so it had a mild Spinal Tap feel. Anyway they had videos playing on all the monitors for the show. Kind of odd. There was lots of fog. The crowd was really into it. It was fun. I mean seriously, how can you not just love a band whose first single has this refrain :
"My descent is the story of everyman
I am hatred, darkness and despair"
And consider they sing this with a straight face, in devil makeup and traditional heavy metal leather!?! This rivals Swans singing "Goddamn the sun" for humor. It just so happens that it all works for me. Yes, I'm somewhat twisted and dark. Sue me. I had fun.
Now, yes, there was another band....the headliner. From the very depths of hel......New Jersey, Danzig. I'm not a big fan. I really only know his early hit "Mother". Again this has some classic lyrics:
Mother
Tell your children not to walk my way
Tell your children not to hear my words
What they mean
What they say
Mother
Of course this is mostly screamed. So, Mr. Danzig is four feet tall and four feet wide. Kind of square, with shoulder length hair. I imagine he's older than me, or at least close in age. When he turned around to walk to the drums we got to see his baldspot. Oh, Mr. Danzig. At least he didn't do the comb over. Well, I could have a lot of fun writing this, but I'll cut to the chase; he sucks. Really. I guess maybe I'm just not a fan. I noticed a good bit of the audience was gone as well. I'm sure many were there to see Dimmu. If I hadn't paid so much for tickets, I'd have left after the first song. As it was I walked to the back to hang for a bit. There were some kids back there that were drunk or high that had been standing with me earlier. I see this flame. Since you can't smoke in the club I was a bit confused. As I get closer I see a girl lighting his chest hair on fire. Bwahahaha. That was better than Danzig.
Its been a bit more fun that Myspace. I only ever found a few old friends on Myspace, on Facebook I've found quite a few. Its only sad that I keep getting those ads in the margains for things for the over 40 set. Sigh....
But, on to something else you won't care about, a couple of reviews. First, Robin Williams. I'll be honest, I'm not much on the comedy thing. He was funny, and hyper and everything just like on TV. He has quality researchers as he started with the local bits. Someone came in late and was down front, he quipped "oh, I see the Windsor Farms crowd is here", and he talked about Monument Avenue and all the second place trophies. Somewhere he mentioned us wanting to break away from northern VA, as it was really another state. So, yeah, 90 minutes of funny. I'm just not a laugh out loud guy, but he was good.
On to even less interesting a concert I went to. Well sort of. This was billed as the Blackest of the Black tour. Opening was Skeletonwitch. I missed 'em. Too friggin early. Wouldn't have minded seeing them. Meh.
Next was Winds of Plague. Meh. They might be on to something, but it seems they aren't quite there, or don't pull it off. The singer sort of rap/growls and now has a dyed mohawk. It just doesn't work.
Middle band Moonspell. Oh dear God, make them stop. It was just awful. There really isn't a good excuse for them being on the bill. They didn't fit, and well, the suck. I mean, well, they suck. The best part of the show was that the only played about 30 minutes. Thirty minutes of suck is waaaaay better than 90 minutes of suck. We'll revisit that thought in a paragraph.
Now, the reason I went in the first place. Dimmu Borgir. These guys make me laugh. I enjoy them. This is like Goth Metal. or something. The place was full of the goths. More black I haven't seen in years, but I guess it is the Blackest of the Black tour. Could have been the piercest of the piercing tour as well. Or. ah hell. So imagine Kiss. You know, a set, costumes and makeup. They really had too much going on on the stage. The stage was too small for all that so it had a mild Spinal Tap feel. Anyway they had videos playing on all the monitors for the show. Kind of odd. There was lots of fog. The crowd was really into it. It was fun. I mean seriously, how can you not just love a band whose first single has this refrain :
"My descent is the story of everyman
I am hatred, darkness and despair"
And consider they sing this with a straight face, in devil makeup and traditional heavy metal leather!?! This rivals Swans singing "Goddamn the sun" for humor. It just so happens that it all works for me. Yes, I'm somewhat twisted and dark. Sue me. I had fun.
Now, yes, there was another band....the headliner. From the very depths of hel......New Jersey, Danzig. I'm not a big fan. I really only know his early hit "Mother". Again this has some classic lyrics:
Mother
Tell your children not to walk my way
Tell your children not to hear my words
What they mean
What they say
Mother
Of course this is mostly screamed. So, Mr. Danzig is four feet tall and four feet wide. Kind of square, with shoulder length hair. I imagine he's older than me, or at least close in age. When he turned around to walk to the drums we got to see his baldspot. Oh, Mr. Danzig. At least he didn't do the comb over. Well, I could have a lot of fun writing this, but I'll cut to the chase; he sucks. Really. I guess maybe I'm just not a fan. I noticed a good bit of the audience was gone as well. I'm sure many were there to see Dimmu. If I hadn't paid so much for tickets, I'd have left after the first song. As it was I walked to the back to hang for a bit. There were some kids back there that were drunk or high that had been standing with me earlier. I see this flame. Since you can't smoke in the club I was a bit confused. As I get closer I see a girl lighting his chest hair on fire. Bwahahaha. That was better than Danzig.
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